Five phone apps you will never, ever have a need for

The Guardian // 21st January 2016

Powered by article titled “Five phone apps you will never, ever have a need for” was written by Adam Gabbatt, for on Wednesday 20th January 2016 14.00 UTC

There are a lot of apps available for your phones. Some of them are fun and perform an important service, like Instagram and Snapchat and that one with the candy. But many, if not most, are useless. And rubbish. And terrible. After hearing about the most recent one, Fridge cam, we thought we’d add names to the list so you know never to download any of them.

Fridge cam

Presumably the purpose is so that people can look in their fridge and see what food they need to buy. But, honestly, how mollycoddled do you need to be? How many reminders do we need? How long until there’s a camera you stick in your throat to tell you when to brush your teeth, or in your stomach to tell you when to eat, or in your bladder to tell you when to urinate?


It stands for “Send me to heaven”. It’s a fun game where you throw your phone in the air and it calculates how far you’ve thrown it. Then compares your score to other people who have thrown their phones in the air. It actually sounds quite fun. Just not enough fun to justify breaking your phone, which is probably what will happen.

Tooth fairy calculator

You enter certain details – family size, marital status, income – and the app calculates what the tooth fairy is giving to people like you. Or to the children of people like you. It’s created by Visa’s “Practical money skills for life” teaching platform/marketing tool. It is meant to help your children understand money and inflation and such. Which somehow ruins the tooth fairy myth.

Poo keeper – the toilet poop tracker

Poo keeper app

“Dump. Snap. Wipe,” reads the app’s description. You can note the consistency of your excrement as well as the “speed” and “amount”. God knows why you would want to photograph it though. Oh, you can also set it to “remind if did not poo for longer than 36 hours”.


The app harnesses the power of your phone’s inbuilt fan to produce an extremely gentle gust of air. Its creators don’t make it entirely clear what the app is for. Although it could be useful for those who have asthma or emphysema but really enjoy blowing things. A promotional video shows the app just about managing to extinguish a birthday candle. © Guardian News & Media Limited 2010

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